Boston University: The Worst Whore You’ll Ever Pay $160,000 For

(First Draft)

When I left home for B.U. I was searching for a great many things. I was searching for a personal intellectual renaissance, a chance to forge strong bonds among friends and lovers, and failing those, at least an easygoing social scene. Instead, like that old girlfriend whose funny quirks quickly became unbearable , B.U. has systematically let me down in every regard. Academically, socially, creatively, Boston University might as well be a black hole of apathy. The only thing B.U. seems to do well is it’s continued skill in selling itself to prospective students who don’t know better.

Let’s not kid ourselves, fellow peers. We came to B.U. knowing that the reputation of our university met that our diploma would mean more than those from State School U. It’s a shame then, that BU’s academic core is hollow. I can count the classes I’ve been intellectually engaged in on one hand. Grade deflation is rampant in intro freshman courses that are harder than upper level junior-year coursework. Tests are designed less on intellectual argument than rote repetition of key terms. Most professors are all too ready to head out the door in a burst of their only energy, seemingly as bored with themselves as we are. The intellectual renaissance of upper education seems to be little more than the Dark Ages at BU.

Socially, BU’s student body is “diverse” in every worst possible way. We’re diverse if you want overly rude New Yorkers, local Massholes, privileged internationals, and scattered nobodies all wrapped in the fine package of apathy. At first, I thought that my difficulty in making close connections was my fault alone. The more I talk to others here, the more a pattern emerges. Countless friends have spoken about the difficulty in making close friendships with an uptight, exclusive, and generally unfriendly student body. About the only way to make lasting friendships is either by sticking with the first connections made back in freshman year when we were naïve and full of hope or through extracurriculars. By the way, the only clubs or groups that seem to last are those that succeed in spite of, not because of, Boston University.

The other great BU selling point outside of the usual blend of academics is their uncanny devotion to this notion that “We’re in the city”. Oh sure, classrooms are in the Boston zip code. Despite Boston’s high amount of college-goers, the city holds a stubborn belief that they are most definitely NOT a college town. This War on University has turned Boston into a place that might as well put up signs that read “Those that are Under 21: Go Away”. Just getting into a club underage is a sisyphean task that borders on the impossible. Clubs, concerts, and just about anything that makes Boston interesting in the slightest is off limits to the largest segment of it’s population.

Defeated in every way, we retreat back to the Allston ghetto in hopes of at least pretending our parties will give us a True Collegiate Life. Instead we’re accosted by entrance fees, overbearing police who break up parties at midnight, and the most apathetic and dull student body the world has ever seen. My most recent “killer party” memories have primarily consisted of hiding in a friend’s attic while the cops systematically checked everyone’s ID downstairs, watching friends get slapped with alcohol violations for a six pack of Bud Lite in their Dorm mini-fridge, and frantic 10:50 pm runs to replenish fridges.

As for the other college “experiences” that BU provides, they’re about as vacant as the rest of our school. One nice arena does not make up for terrible audience participation in athletics. One half-functionating television station does not a vibrant community make. And that famed admissions process that’s meant to at least make us feel like we’re somewhat more qualified than those who didn’t get in? I worked in the admissions office for nearly half a year, and I’ll let you in on a secret: it’s a joke. From aggressive marketing of the richest international students (who will almost always pay full tuition) to designating CGS as the place for athletes and low grade legacies to “reconsidering” applicants who just so happen to know trustees, it’s all one huge farce. It’s like we’re in some bizarre approximation of a university that some drunkard scrambled on his bar napkin at closing time.

I know that I’m not saying anything particularly new or noteworthy here. Many have voiced their complaints more eloquently or forcefully than I. I want to add my voice to the chorus, and to warn all those who haven’t fallen into the administration’s sales pitch. Freshmen, it doesn’t get magically better. Prospective students run far, far away. Fellow upperclassmen, let’s get our degrees and spread the gospel.

Comments? You can reach me at steveti9@bu.edu