Sanctity and Sexuality

Recently I found out that a friend of sorts has been essentially sleeping around town like a common tart.

I'm by no means a prude when it comes to freedom of expression. There is nothing more precious and valuable than an artist's creative voice. Whether it be Von Gogh or Kelly Clarkson, we should always value an artist's creativity over profit or political correctness. Imposed Censorship, no matter how small, how ineffectual, should always be fought against.

Every now and then, I have to wonder if our society is deeply, deeply flawed. There is no question that our society is over-stimulated and over-sexualized. This is not a revelation or a bombshell, but the reality that our society now basks in. Gender politics, always an evolving beast, have once again reared their ugly head.

Feminism is once again at a crossroads. New Feminism, it seems, has no problem in wearing a G-string to the society ball and flaunting how much they "own the room". Women are encouraged to be as slutty as they want, all in the name of independence. Male attitude towards sex remains relatively unchanged from a decade or two ago. While some of us aren?t looking to sleep around town, the vast majority of us will never turn down a good opportunity. It is women, it seems, who have thrown caution and class out the window as if it were a relic of a by-gone era.

It should be noted, of course, that I'm speaking in generalizations here. There are quite a few men and women like myself who still value a bit of class and restraint in our romance. But increasingly our society is becoming more and more desensitized to casual sex, drunken hookups, and forget-me-in-the-mornings. While some tout this cultural change as a blessing, it has become a Hot Button issue for cultural conservatives ten times over.

Some will undoubtedly blame the film and television industry and it's vast left wing agenda for this new status quo. But strangely, Hollywood's latest hits have done very little glamorizing of the one night stand lifestyle. While Judd Apatow's 40 Year Old Virigin and Knocked Up may take crude humor to new levels, they both have a surprisingly sweet and old-fashioned championing of moral values. 40 Year Old Virgin's ultimate message is one of waiting for the right person, even if it means embarrasment, ridicule, and awkwardness. And Knocked Up is about as anti-one night stand as a movie can get. As the credits were rolling all of my male and single friends swore that we would never, ever put ourselves through that hell any time soon. And lets just say that when we partied that night it was a surprisingly low key affair.

Sitcoms, too, almost always have an anti-casual sex bend to them. Smallville regularly shows that Lex Luthor is evil by having one night stands and *gasp* not calling them afterward. And Clark Kent, heir to the Princely throne of Superman? He somehow spent an entire summer on the sci-fi equivalent of ecstasy and still kept his virginity until he could lose it to ? The One?. Oh, and he waited til he was out of high school. Funny, that.

Of course, not all shows are quite as clear cut as the black and white morality of super-heroism. But between the ?Very Special? episodes and the obviously negative narcissism on Nip/Tuck, positive potrayals of casual sex still aren't found on our television sets or movie screens.

Movies, too, haven't become as violent as most believe. Anyone who remembers the glut of 80s action flicks can clearly attest that movies might be more addicted to CGI now, but the content has actually been toned down. The MPAA have done their damnedest to keep any sort of nudity out of mainstream cinemas, and yet somehow the movie industry still gets some blame.

The music industry, while not entirely at fault, has long glamorized the "rock star" way of life. It is a shame then, that rap and hip hop have somehow taken out the class of Johnny Cash (himself quite the partier back in the day) and replaced it with this utterly reprehensible fetishization with sexual acts. Not the beauty of sex, mind you. Not the emotional experience that one shares. Just the raw, visceral action of "smacking that". Songs about sex have never sounded so unsexy.

At the end of the day it is our own actions that determine the life we live. Not the music we listen to or the shows we watch. What surprised me about my friend who?s sleeping around isn?t how rare her actions are but how common she now is.

I was never raised in an explicitly Christian home where moral values ruled the day. My parents taught me that people make mistakes, that we aren?t perfect and that we shouldn?t expect ourselves or others to be perfect. Somehow though, I?ve come to a different conclusion than nearly everyone else I know.

I'm waiting.

I'm not waiting for marriage, but I am waiting. I?m waiting for something more than "You're cute. Let's fuck". She doesn't need to be "The One". She probably won't be. All I want is that when it does happen, I want it to be with someone I genuinely care for. I've had opportunities to take that leap with a few people but I've never truly felt inclined to take it.

On a more practical level, girls who are so willing to take that step quickly simply aren't attractive to me. There is nothing more powerful, more commanding, more sexy than a woman who understands that a relationship requires some build up, some foreplay, something more than just two shots of tequila on the first date.

I know that all of the above sounds wickedly judgmental. It is. I'm sure part of this stems from my still single status. That would be correct as well. But although I could go out and whore myself around, I've decided not to. I may be many things, but I've made my decision. Self-respect is worth more than a few cheap nights.